Rude or not rude...

Ok, here's the thing. The situation as it were and you tell me.

Thursday: So the guy is feeling happy because his weekend is filled with many wonderful things like a rib eye steak dinner on saturday with his cousin and watching the urkrainian orchestrata on sunday.

Friday: Meets a nice girl in the miniature dinosaur store. They chat a little, find out they share many of the same interests and exchange numbers

Saturday: Has dinner with cousin. medium rare.

Sunday: Finds out that the pilot, co pilot and half the urkrainiun orchestra had fish on their overseas flight which led to food poisoning. Fortunately, elaine, the airline attendant skipped her meal so she safely lands the plane. However, the concert for sunday has been cancelled.

So, is it ok to call the girl that afternoon to see if she's available that night or is that rude.

Softball anxiety

Normally, I look forward to playing softball but I was rather anxious and nervous that night about something completely different. I had dropped off my friend at the commerce casino the previous evening where she was suppose to provide some "company" for a couple of hours. She normally does not do "outcalls" but this was an old customer and she'll get some good cheddar out of this. Me, I'm just the transporter. A really cheap transporter because I don't get paid for this.

She normally calls me every night to tell me how her day went and when she wakes up to say good morning. Not today. I didn't hear from her for the last 23 hours which was unusual especially as I was suppose to drive her home. I was concerned in the a.m. and more so toward the afternoon as my calls started going directly to her voice mail. So of course, I start thinking the worse.

. How many hours have to pass before reporting a missing person? Its 24 hours but maybe 72 hours for people in unusual occupations. Afterall, I'm sure mrs. cousteau didn't freak out when jacque went out to sea for a few days.

. So if she's missing past a day, I guess I should try contacting some of the her friends including the other escort that she owes 10k and her last customer who was rumored to have ties with the vietnamese underground. Waitaminute....that doesn't sound good at all. They sound more like suspects than good samaritans who will give me cookies and milk when I knock on their door.

. If she's missing for 2 days, I better go to her apt and clean out the place. The rent will be due and its not like I'm going to pay 3k for her fancy place. I have a couple of friends on the westside that will help me with no questions asked. One of them has a van too. Now I know why.

. If the police get involved and want to know my involvement, can i get in trouble for putting up her ad? Am I technically "prostituting her". I really don't want some young punk d.a. trying to make a name for himself and manufacturing accusations and writing checks that my body can't cash. I always say, if you're going to get in trouble, at least get in trouble for something you did (I'm not sure why I ever even said this but yet I know its in my mental closet of personal colloquialisms).

. Ok, if I find her dead in her apt, remember not to pick up the blood stained knife or the discharged gun next to her body. Its just much harder to explain to the police why you're holding the murder weapon if you didn't do it.

. If the police question me about the time of the murder, I better start remembering my whereabouts - ok, at 6:30, I have dinner with alice at the hungry cat in hollywood. She had the halibut and the tempura fried squash bottoms as an appetizer. I had the hamachi - which was pretty good by the way. After dropping my friend off at 8:50 pm, I was listening to indie 103 at the time. I forget the song. Asobi Seksu! No! Lassie Foundation?! They broke up! Oh man, I hope it doesn't come to this...

24 hours and a few minutes later, the 2nd inning of my softball game, I see her caller id appear and I'm hoping its not some strange voice asking for ransom because a. I don't have money and b. this is a close game. Fortunately, it was she. The battery ran out of her phone and she was out all day with her friends. Thank goodness. I was more relieved than anything. I'll yell at her later. Meanwhile, we won the game.

Oh my...

Living in los angeles, you'd just assume that most people, and your friends more so, are fairly liberal or at least open minded. So it bummed me out when I hear someone in my circle ask if a man was gay or had issues because he teared up when he was yelled at. I'm like "what, are you fucking kidding me...crying doesn't mean anything". He was not kidding unfortunately. But hell, california is allowing gay marriages starting today.

Which means that george takei is finally able to get married to his partner. I don't personally know mr. sulu although I did hear his voice over the phone a couple of times when he use to call my boss (they were friends). The official wedding will be in September. But this is neat too...

. Takei and brad altman have been together for 21 years. Thats saying something considering how horny and what assholes men can be. Two decades of dedication between anyone is pretty remarkable in this day and age. I hope sandwich and I last that long.

. Walter Koenig is the best man. Chekov was the navigator on the enterprise while sulu was the helmsman. You mean to tell me that his best buddy on the starship is also his best buddy in real life? Whats the chances of that happening? I remember when the worm came out of chekov's ear in "Star Trek: Wrath of Khan". "KHAAAAN!!!! KHAAAAN!!!!"

. Uhura is the matron of honor. Whoa! She was the communications officer and she's participating in the ceremony too? How many people that you knew, much less worked with over 20 years ago do you even still keep in contact with. If everyone saw uhura in a mini skirt growing up, I think racism would have been eliminated. Sexism would still exist but not racism.

. Apparently spock will be a guest at the wedding as well. I think I must sneak into this party and see who else will be here. I'm hoping yeoman rand, shahna from "the gamesters of triskelion" and abraham lincoln from "the savage curtain" show up...otherwise I might look silly in my officer's uniform. I wonder if my friend emily will be there, I know she's a fan. And one day my other friend will figure it out too.

George Takei: "It's not really coming out, which suggests opening a door and stepping through. It's more like a long, long walk through what began as a narrow corridor that starts to widen".

Movie review - scary, green and tough

The Happening:
Is m. night's directing career going downhill because people seem to come out of his films fucking pissed off like they wasted 2 hours of their valuable time - like what were they going to do instead, read a book, go exercise? But this film is is good and creepy beginning with people walking backwards and mass random suicides where construction workers start jumping off girders and people shoot themselves in line as the gun is picked up by the following victim. No one knows whats going on including mark wahlberg as the enthusiastic middle school science teacher who is evacuating the city along with his kinda weird wife, zoe daschnel. She bugs out her eyes alot which you think might be bad acting but apparently everyone acts kinda "off key" in the movie. In most films about the apocalypse, there are always 3 types of people in the world; the lone survivalist who lives day by day, the group of people who are cautious but will take in strangers and the mean people who take resources by force. Thats kinda a the cool thing about the happening is that they don't all fit in those categories. You're really not sure what's going through everyones mind and weather they're odd because of the event or just odd in general. This really is just a bad b-movie with lot of plot holes.

What I learned: You always say "don't say anything" even if you feel stupid when your friend goes "I know" but if you don't, they will. And always take your allergy medicine.
Who will see this movie: High school bio teachers who will recommend it to their students to try being cool and students who will go thinking this will be on the test but it won't.
Did I like it: Yes (although people will get mad at me for this)

The Hulk:
For some reason, an executive back in 2003 thought the incredible hulk would be a good character study about a father son relationship therefore hiring angsty ang lee to explore this emotional vacuum. However, most people want to see a monster in a monster movie doing monster things like crushing cars, knocking down buildings and brawling with other monsters. We don't want so see godzilla have a meaningful conversation with ghidera or minya so why would we want to with the hulk? Fortunately, marvel figure it out this time around and we catch bruce banner in the middle of some city in brazil, learning breathing exercises to calm anger pangs while looking for an antidote to destroy his gamma radiated blood cells. But the military catches up with him which I don't know if they're aware, but flying bullets tend to make people scared and excited. Cue the green mayhem and the rest of the movie is bruce making up with an ex while raging war against mostly 100 dollar a day extras in army outfits and one deranged tim roth who will drink steroid serums to be a testosterone filled abomination.

What I learned: Liv tyler gives unbelievably great sex that ex boyfriends will shy away and that its not a dilemma for the the u.s. military to shoot in a campus filled with students and teachers.
Who will go see this movie: Eric bana wondering why he wasn't called to reprise his role as bruce banner and iron man fans thinking they'll see an awesome cameo by robert downey jr. - its not that awesome.
Did I like this movie: Yes

In Bruge
Of course half of america liked juno and little miss sunshine because they could build up their indie credibility without sacrificing all the sweet saccarine that was sprinkled perfusely in those 2 movies. But will they go see In Bruges where people get killed, a midget talks about hookers and an angry ray fiennes swears alot? Probably not because the general population would rather drink soda than whiskey. Colin Farrell and that big bulgy eye guy from harry potter are the 2 blue collared hit men that go to the city of bruge to hide away for a couple of weeks after a bad shooting. But sonny crockett isn't into the picturesque architect and canals because as he says "if I grew on a farm and was retarded, I might like bruge. But I'm not so I don't". This movie won't get as much attention as miami vice or even swat but this is probably one of collin farrel's better roles.

What I learned: Bruge is in belgium and that a dying man who drags himself across an old wooden floor, look out at the clear starry night, meditate on his life and pull himself over the ledge will fall faster than someone walking down a flight of stairs to that same spot.
Who will go: Senior citizens who think this is a travelogue documentary and hip drunks who need to get in the mood to party by seeing irish actors farrell and gleeson drink at a bar.
Did I like the movie: Yes (not sure why this was re released 3 months later. I hope its the same movie since I saw and wrote this than)

Damsel in distress

Somewhere between the cheap street walker who's looking at some quick cash for their drug habit and the expensive escorts who count foreign dignitaries and congressman as their clients, are a class of normal looking girls who are just doing the job to make a living. They're not necessarily horny or grew up in a brothel and thats the only life they knew. But for whatever reason, they sometimes fall into the occupation and the money is decent, the risks tolerable and hell, we all jaywalk from time to time. A friend of mine use to work at an escort agency and after 6 months off, wanted to become an "self employed model". She wanted some help and since I reached level 62 as a draenai paladin in world of warcraft, I said "sure why not".

1. We needed a location where she could start work right away, the customers could enter and leave with a certain amount of anonymity and parking was easy - in los angeles, no one wants to hassle an additional 20 minutes looking for damn parking. Nice hotels are obvioius but they're kinda expense in the long run and ideally you don't want to stay longer than 3 or 4 days to start garnering unwanted attention. We found a furnished suite that she could rent month by month. We were the mr. and mrs for the time being which really meant just carrying all her damn luggage. Note to girls: Please do not buy melons and bananas the night before you are moving. They're really not necessary.

2. Of course you just can't say, "hey, is it cool if they splooge over your face?" especially if its not cool. But I needed to know so I could forward the correct information, consequently, we went back and forth with terminology to determine what she did and didn't do.

GFE (Girlfriend Experience). What the hell is that. Some dudes just want their s.o. to dress up like a nun or maybe yell out their names during sex. Everyone is different but there are some standards now that include BBBJ (bareback blow job. No condom) and LFK (light french kissing). So she was down with that.

DATY (Dine at the Y). Thats a yes for receiving oral sex. Why the hell not (other than obvious health reasons), Less work for her with the exception of a few moans and quivers. Some dudes like it, some dudes don't - after all, who's paying whom.

MSOG (multiple shots on goal). More than once within the allotted time. Some girls say yes but it can get annoying. 10 minutes left and he wants to go at it again - c'mon man, dudes sex prowess ain't that awesome.

CIM. Mouth and body is fine. But none on the face please

Greek (Party in the butt). No. That department is only for export, not import.

3. She also needed some new images and its not like she needed a professional photographer. Girls aren't going to lose any business just because ansel adams didn't take their pic in front of yosemite half dome or that annie libovitz didn't make them look like a rock star. Potential customers just wanna see that you don't got extra arms and are fairly close to the body shape you claim to be. And of course that she isn't their sister. So she starts picking different articles of lingerie for her to wear while I snapped away with my digital camera. My new canon has a saturated color setting but I dont' think her clients are going to include wong kar wai or christopher doyle.

A day later, she started getting phone calls from customers so she was pretty happy. Me, I'm hoping I'm getting a lot of experience points for this and get to level 63 pretty soon.

Posted by yumyumcha at 05:29 PM

June 09, 2008

The facts of life

So the voice on the other line said she was finally going "independent" and that she wanted to start work on her own, soon. Of course I can help but I'm hoping and assuming that she left her former employer in good terms because I don't really want to get into a shoot out with anyone particularly as I'm still friends with her ex-boss and besides, I don't own a gun. So I invited her over to my place to discuss her new endeavor.

Everyone has a different degree of cleanliness and I have been long overdue but when a girl comes over to visit, you want the place to be so fresh and so clean clean. Our tryst actually had nothing to do with my bed rooom which means I had to clean the kitchen, straighten out the living room and sanitize the restroom. Girls who are escorts are normal people too and I didn't want her to think I was a slob. Cleaning has always been difficult for me because a. I don't like it and b. I get distracted easily - what a weird looking dried out bug, maybe i should google it and find out what it is. But for the next couple of hours, I did my chores and thought about domestic engineering.

. Dust bunnies? What a wack name for a gross ball of dust, hair and whatever other unsanitary things that get caught inside. I think my cat intentionally drops a small poop underneath a cloud of crap so when I get lazy and pick it up rather than get the broom, I get freaked out. She thinks its funny. I don't.

. Do they make a vacuum attachment that picks up coins and distributes them neatly by size? If not they should. I have coins laid out all over the place and my vacuum makes a terrible choking sound and spits them back out.

. Orange orange seems to be the popular color of cleaning products although it use to be lemon yellow. Perhaps in another 5 years, johnson and johnson will go down the citrus family and use grapefruit. Personally, I'm waiting for the tangelo.

. Apparently, cleaning can gather up some lost treasures - the small hair piece to the ron rege vinyl figure that was given out free 6 years ago and a few gift cards I forgot I had. Yay!

Its always interesting to see what people notice or drawn to when they come into the apartment. Is it the artwork I have done by my friends, sandwich the cat, the toys I have on the display table or the xbox on the floor. Champange, not her "real" name, saw all the spices I had on the kitchen counter and we talked about cooking and food. She may be a self employed model but unlike the movies, she didn't tell me how hot it was and started taking off her clothes or get seduced by my hard on as I walked out of the shower with just a towel around my waist. We just talked. In a clean apartment.

comment and leave yo name!

Posted by yumyumcha at 11:26 AM

June 03, 2008

867-5309

If she gave me her number, I would never have to visit that god damn restaurant again and if she didn't give me her number, I would never have to visit that god damn restaurant again. So one way or another, I'm not visiting that restaurant again. Not having crushed on anyone for quite some time, having seen kate waitressing at the taiwanese bar and grill 6 months ago made xtina aguilera in my head say "ring the alarm...throwing elbows, ring the alarm". Kate had these great smokey eyes and always a well manicured bob cut. I didn't even know if she had a boyfriend or not. Someone that cute probably did but until I knew otherwise, I was crushing. Operation: bury my heart at wounded knee commenced this evening. Because 6 months is long enough to build up some nerve but more importantly, I was running out of friends to take to this place.

Kate and I never had longer than a 5 minute conversation as the restaurant is always packed like the mosh pit at a ramones concert and the girls are running back and forth while the owner stands over making sure everyone has their cheese. However, despite the hectic and random commotion, there seem to be enough moments that gave me confidence to finally ask for her number - she had previously had given me her work schedule and she made a point to return my tupperware from the chocolate chip cookies I made her. So everything was going as planned. My friend and I are having a good time chowing on the a few choice dishes, I had given her a tee I made 4 years ago to soften her up and I was feeling strong. After dinner, I waved her over and ask for 2 things, the check and her phone number. The moment of truth. She can either say yes or no. Yes or no. One or the other. 9:30 pm. Tick tick tick tick tick.

She looked at me and with sincerity said, "Sorry, I don't give out my phone number but I'll give you my email address" Her email address? Errr, ok. So apparently she's smarter than me because she said neither yes or no. And when your parent gives you advice like "the worst they can say is no", you can reply, not really, not according to bill. But at least I never have to visit that god damn restaurant again.

comment and leave yo name!

Posted by yumyumcha at 05:43 PM