Movie review - bp vs. the world

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
If you're a fan of video games, Tsui Hark movies in the 80's, modern romance and/or indie kids with gay friends, than you will heart this movie. There are so many clever visual sight gags and witty dialogue that this 110 minute movie goes by pretty fast and maybe sensitive Michael Cera grows up after all. The trailer is pretty straight forward about the movie, Cera is Scott Pilgrim who gets smitten by new kid on the block, Ramona Flowers and has moderate success crushing on her. But there are basically 8 things in the way, her 7 evil ex boyfriends who wants him dead as well as his own dilemma with his too young chinese girl friend. Meanwhile there's a battle of the bands that his group, sex bob omb has entered. So much teenage angst, so little time to figure it all out. Scott Pilgrim needs a life.

What I learned: I don't like people who don't lesbian this movie.
Did I like it: Yes

The Expendables
When sylvester stallone finished this script, he basically use the following tags: Big muscular guys tattoo small guns big guns lots of guns rock and roll music but not zeppelin because they're british cars with big engines motorcycles knives big knives explosions and actors with an accent. Stallone is the leader of a mercenary group who's paid to take out a dictator on a small island. This movie is simple and will be liked by the people who go see this movie expecting a lot of muscular men bro talking and fighting with each other. If you don't like that, don't see it.

What I learned: As long as you are big and muscular, you will always be given a 2nd chance
Did I like it: Yes

The Switch
I like Jason Bateman and I like Jennifer Aniston. I even like Jeff Goldblum. But yet I don't like this film. It was funny at moments but for the most part, as a movie, it was as entertaining as your friend telling you about their trip to the grocery store....which wasn't all that funny but you chuckle anyways. Bateman is Jennifer Aniston's neurotic best friend who's average fashion style and lack of game has left him in the friend zone. Which sucks because Aniston decides to artificially inseminate herself to have a kid. But drunk people do hilarious things and Bateman switches a spilt bottle of sperm for his own. Of course he blacks out and doesn't realize the ramifications until 7 years later when he reunites with Aniston and her kid after they had moved away. The story and tone doesn't make that great a film but I'll probably buy it since its a pleasant and interesting enough film to invite some girl over and than boring enough for the both of us to start making out.

What I learned: You can always leave the friend zone if you get drunk
Did I like it: No

A billion people so you know one of them is going to push the boundaries of the culinary envelope because the chinese are either clever or diabolical knowing there's always some retard aka me that will go "frog fellopian tubes? Ok?!"

Better known as hasma (harsmar, hashima), this is literally the dried fallopian tubes of frogs. I'm not sure who came up with that great idea but just so you know, its not frog or toad fat that some people think it is. The actual ingredients looks like dried flakes which is double boiled with rock sugar to give it a sweet appeal and served in desserts at high class restaurants in hong kong. Because I guess god damn poor people won't touch that shit. It is expensive because any dessert added with it is an additional $5.00. Of course the place we went to (Tasty Dessert in Monterey Park) also had "birds nest" (bird saliva) and "sago" (pith of palm stems) and any particular combination of those items or additions could cost up to $30.00!

The mango with coconut juice was fairly refreshing and the hasmar itself had the consistency of jelly which isn't that far from boba or...melted jello. Consuming hasmar is suppose to have some medicinal purposes including treating respiratory systems and improving skin condition. I haven't felt any noticeable difference yet but if my future kids comes out jumping around alot and having a prehensiel tongue, than I'm looking at this.

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Monday girl - 8 is enough

Monday girl is grace park. She use to play a cylon on battlestar galatica and that in itself should have placed her here on monday but since I don't have cable, I never saw the show. Than I had a dream about her. Not like martin luther had a dream but one that has to be in my top 5 now, just under the one where the horses talk to me and we rescue villagers. It was cool. Park shows up in my dream as my girlfriend. That actually might be better. So here she is...and will be appearing in hawaii 5 0. Nice.

Winner winner...

Six o clock isn't terribly early but when the phone rings unexpectedly, its unlikely that the baker is calling because he had extra blueberry muffins. No,it was pamela texting if I was awake and well, I am now. Pamela is surprisingly organized for an escort, but her customer, late for work, left her stranded at an indian casino 2 hours east of los angeles. Normally, I wouldn't get up and roll but pamela is a good customer and it was early enough that I would drive against the grain missing traffic as well as the heatwave that was recently plaguing the city. Stopping at jack in the box for a coke and a jumbo jack (they serve there burgers all day - the little things man, the little things) to give me a some breakfast energy, I finally arrive at the citadel that allows white people to feel better for taking land from the native americans many moons ago...although it seems to be mostly asians that support this industry. Its still too early as I see banks of brightly lit slot machines standing by themselves with a few workers in dark vests standing around the roulette wheel. Pamela and I meet in the lobby and I take her luggage. Neither one of us gamble, we just take our hard earned money and leave. America, it is the land of opportunity.

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Monday girl - tko

Monday girl is jamie chung. Man, she first started of on mtv's the real world - san diego and than the short lived samurai girl (but she's korean) and you figure that would be the end of her. But somewhere down the line, she said, "I'm not done yet", let me wear push up bra's, show up in complex magazine and a small part in adam sandlers bad movie "grown ups" as a bikini babe and all of sudden, here she is again. She has a part in sucker punch, which looks like a dumb girls version of pan's labryinth. Ok, go jamie.

The heatwave hit the mid 90's in southern california and along with the rise of the temperature, so did the ire of the people I live with.

More annoyed than mad
In line for ramen, I get to the front and ask the too old to be a teen, too grumpypuss to have a significant other waitress if the tonkatsu broth contains msg. She looks at me and says "I don't know". So we're standing there for a few seconds staring at each other in an asian standoff until I finally say, "could you ask someone" since the cooks are like 5 feet away. She sighs and turns around to ask. And they all tell her no. I just wanted to say, "now was that so hard to do?" but opt not to since I didn't get my food yet.

Pretty Mad
So I'm pulling out of the parking lot when the driver of the car ahead of me is in animated discussion with the clerk working the pay booth. She owes something and she won't lift the gate bar until she pays or at least have a validation. The driver huffs and decides to go in the mall to buy something...without moving her vehicle off the side. So now there is this train of cars behind me and myself stuck until she comes back out. Fortunately, I'm not in a rush.

Really mad
Its one in the morning and I taking a leisurely drive home on surface streets since the freeway is under construction. I'm at a stop light when a car pulls up to the right of me and the 30 something hispanic male says something through the window. I'm thinking he needs direction so I roll down my windown. He says in an agitated voice..."blah blah puto!". I know what that means but I say, "sorry I don't understand" and he says "it means fuck you!". Not wanting to escalate the situation I play dumb and just say "uhhh, ok". He replies a little more upset "don't act dumb with me, I know what you're doing". All I can say is "errr, Im going home". He replies, "Than I'm a follow you home and kick your ass...(which of course is better than I'm a shoot you)...or you want settle it right now?! Pull over and lets settle it!" What? I don't even know this guy. The light turns green and i drive off but he's actually following me! I decide to heads toward the police station in the next city but after driving, he sticks his hand out the window and waves while driving off. I have no idea what the hell just happened.

If this is the worse thats going to happen, it doesn't seem that bad. Conversely, on a good note, I got some bacon in my refrigerator.

Butter and Bullets

A man never knows how dangerous a gun is until they're force to examine, build and use it. And so it was with mac n cheese. Having always been slightly lactose intolerant but more importantly, I find cheese distracting, consequently, hamburger, not cheeseburger, thus I've always avoided that creamy cheesey side dish. But lots of people love mac n cheese and poor college students use to get by on kraft before ramen came along. So I needed to know what it was that made the dish so desireable, delicious and deadly. I looked at several recipes, but to be honest, it wasn't that hard at all. Its pretty obvious and I'm looking at it while its stares back. 2 bars of butter right in the pan. 2 bars of butter. And than after butter, its cheese which is another high cholesterol product that your heart should avoid. That shit is going right in the body and clogging the heart...but oh so delicious. And just for added incentive, I included mushrooms and bacon. Because you know, its much better if the bullets are mercury laced and there's a silencer. Ok, I think I'll make this only on special occasions.

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