Monday girl - kaila yu

This is kaila yu. She was the first monday girl of the week that was featured about 8 years ago when I first started blogging. We finally got married. No. I'm just kidding but if I'm to restart this feature, I thought for sentimental reasons, I'd post her again. Because as joel goodsen once said..."sometimes you just gotta say "what the fuck".


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Callgirl ho...

. Sylvia and I drive to an Indian casino 2 hours away secluded in the hills. There's nothing there except other casinos. I don't really gamble and I need to kill 3 hours but if I sign up for a players card, I get a free lobster buffet. Score!

. When someone calls me at 2 in the morning, I know its usually trouble. And even though i don't have to take the job, my conscience won't let me sleep knowing Alysha is on some random street corner out in the valley by herself. But here's the thing, if I'm a pick you up, you need to tell me the right cross streets rather than wait for me to drive there, look for you, not answer my calls, go back home, and have your friend call me an hour later to give me the correct information. I had assumed that she fell asleep at her clients but no, just the wrong streets. So she's a hot mess and bawling in my front seat "why do they always wanna fuck me, why can't they just hang out". I wanna say, you gotta stop acting like a ho if you want people to stop treating you like a ho...but this probably isn't a good time to say it.

. Kennedy has a regular client who's crazy about her and visits every 3 weeks or so. Until he accidentally dialed his wife during a session. Kennedy no longer has a regular client who visits her every 3 weeks.

. Lucille asks me to quote her a price to Las Vegas. She says she's been getting calls but I actually don't like long distance driving and not sure if its even worth my time. It might just be cheaper for her to fly.

. Carol hasn't worked very much during the holidays. She's making up for it now. Good for her. Good for me.

Escort stories - bigger is not better

So you wanna buy your favorite escort a gift. She seems to "get you", pays a lot of attention for an hour at a time and maybe even texts you from time to time. I get that. She makes you feel good and you wanna return the favor besides just leaving money in an envelope on the dresser drawer. Ok, here's the thing. Don't get them a bouquet of flowers, a 10 gallon glass box filled with origami or you know, anything bigger than a water bottle. Why? Because it fucking defeats the purpose of them being discreet and inconspicuous when they leave a hotel. They're trying to be quiet and blend in with the background, but here they are, with your larger than life gift, as they make their way out the elevator or through the lobby doors. C'mon man! Also, I don't help them when they come out the door. Me and the car is hiding in the shadows and the door is unlocked for them to jump in. That's the plan. If you have to get them something, get them a gift card, maybe to starbucks or even a fast food joint, something they can put in their purse and use. And if you really wanna be sentimental, than write them a god damn poem. I'm sure they would appreciate that. So to reiterate, the escort business is a frowned upon profession. Hotels overtly don't like them. Be cool. Small is good.

Three's Company

My first advent into amateur cooking was watching my older (guardian) brother make a grill american cheese sandwich. He was like 15 and I was this little fat kid in my pajamas' going "wow, he can make a snack on the stove out of random things from the refrigerator". I thought that was pretty amazing but realistically I don't like the taste of cheese so I stored that recipe away in my mental food closet decades ago. Until a couple of nights ago at the grocery store. Swiss cheese. I love the holes but not a big fan of its weird grown up taste. Yet I was drawn to it this evening. I'm not sure why. Somethings odd was happening so I'm thought I'd better buy orange marmalade too because you never know. Afterall, if I'm going to have sex, I better wear protection. That was the jam! I had honey & oat bread at home so jack, chrissy and janet were all here. And here it is. My grill cheese sandwich. Not bad i say. Maybe not as good as yours but it'll do in a pinch.

Dinner with the cendreda's

Growing up in a asian family, there's always some weird guy that showed up at every event but you never really know who he is. He's not related and they say he's a "family friend" but its not like you ever saw him and your parents play basketball or hide n seek together (ok context, when you're kid, that's what "friends" do). And he was also single and older so that just exacerbated the matter further. Until now, cuz I realize. I'm that guy. And I'm sure margot will be going...hmm, he ain't my brother, he ain't mom and dad's brother, but he just keeps showing up. Who the hell is that guy? Well, tonight I'm having dinner.

Toilet: Oh look, there's margot toilet over to the left! I don't smell anything though.
Jordan Crane print: martin changes the print every season. The print reflects the los angeles weather. The irony is they actually have a window to see outside.
Margot: In her polka dot pj's! How cute!
Flatscreen: Its new! And huge! Its like a giant star gate in the middle of their house! Why do they have rabbit ear antennae? I thought all tv's had to be analog?
Jenny: If you look at her blouse, you can see she's pregnant with a baby brother. Actually if you stare at her shirt long enough, I think a 3d picture appears.
Martin: He's staring me down. I think he's challenging me to a b-boy dance off. Shit, I'll blow him up through his broken link circus moves.

I'm hoping that margot will just think I'm the automated toy that comes and goes to the house on his own free will.

Movie reviews - getting turn on easily

The Book of Eli
Like every other movie about the post apocalypse, everything is seen on a one tone color palette and people walk around dusty, dirty and wearing goggles. Unless you're cool and you get to wear a pair of oakley shades. And so it is the book of eli, that denzel washington with a calling in his life, finds him delivering a book to the west. This book bible is suppose to deliver mankind from the current state of misery it finds itself, however, evil geniuses who think reading is fundamental want this best selling book of all times too so they can use it for their own nefarious plans. I guess all hotels have been blown up since denzel apparently has the very last copy. Gary oldham is that bad guy and when he finds out the training day officer has the book after passing through his town, he gives chase. Unfortunately, denzel is nicknamed "the walker" because he freaking walks everywhere. So its not too difficult for Oldham in a convoy of automobiles and motorcycles to finally catch up to him for the epic showdown. There is an interesting little twist at the end of the movie that neither detracts or moves the film any further but its a nice little homage to the old samurai films. I also learned that kfc wet wipes will be used as valuable trading commodities so start storing them and stop using it to clean your glasses.
Did I like it: yes

Youth in Revolt:
If you're not tired of michael cera's brand of understated humor, you will enjoy this dark offbeat comedy. And by offbeat, I mean steve buscemi and fred willard make an appearance in it. michael cera plays nick twisp, a nerdy but not necessarily shy kid who listens to frank sinatra on vinyl and wears a bathrobe in the morning. Of course he meets an awesome girl and she is actually mildly interested in him so to force the issue further and faster, he creates an alternate persona, francois dillinger to help him "stick his filthy dick in her tomato". But real life gets in the way so twisp/dillinger has to concoct these wild plans which spiral out of control and he becomes a refuge from the police. Also, for a short second, twisp/dillinger gets an east indian sidekick. Lately, indians are sure making their presence known through tv and film as the funny guy with the accent! How come when asians usually speak with a fobby accent, we get all pissed off but when an east indiant dude does it, no one cares?
Did I like it: yes

Sherlock Holmes
Now that robert downey jr. has finally perfected the ability to make asshole characters likeable, I do like him. I also like jude law. I like guy ritchie, the beautiful sets and the underlying homoerotic tension between the two stars. But the movie was bleh. Under the death penalty, lord blackwood is hung for the murder of several people. But apparently he's alive again, and on another killing spree so no shit sherlock and dr. watson try to figure out what the hell is going on. My problem is that holmes, holmes is suppose be this guy who notices all the minute details and make awesome deductions of how and why a murder was a committed. Well in our sherlock, he pulls his answers out of his ass. Its like he's making shit up - yea, the victim didn't realize that oil was sprayed on him and not rain so he caught on fire....or that victim died because of this rare poison that is activated by copper and water. Whaaaat....the....f?
Did I like it: no

mlk (january 1929 - april 1968)

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in times of comfort and convenience but rather where he stands at times of challenge and controversy". martin luther king strength to love, 1963